It was a sunny spring day, walking as I walked into Sofi Offices to interview GM/head coach Patches O’Houlihan. It was a glorious opulent rotunda as I walked into the entryway, but something was amiss…. I was hear to interview the chargers GM, yet I couldn’t find any bolts anywhere…..
The whole office area was adorned with rams paraphernalia memorabilia and staff. Where are the chargers? Where is patches? my search continued…..
“Excuse me” I asked the hipster-barbie-chic receptionist. “Where are all the Chargers players? I was told sofi housed both the chargers and the rams?”
“Well” the receptionist started, in an almost annoyed but well rehearsed reply “The Chargers have made some creative efforts this season to get under the salary cap….. It will all be explained to you by Coach O’houlihan, he’s in his office and is expecting you.”
“Where is his office?” i replied quizically…
“Just over there sir” the receptionist pointed over my shoulder, I turned my gaze and saw a single door with a mop and bucket crudely strewn aside, and someone crudely scotch-taped over the sign that said “Janitor” and placed a sign that said “Patches O’Houlihan’s office”……
“COME ON IN!” was the barked reply that responded to my knock at the door – It also sounded as if, the voice was muffled with some sort of food. I slowly opened the door to see Coach Patches, sifting threw a kitchen garbage can, seemingly eating the leftovers. It was a cramped janitors closet with only some of the cleaning supplies out of the way, only one shelf contained 3 things chargers related. An old Bowling trophy with a sticky note that said “AFC West Runner Up 2024 – Los Angeles Chargers”, a cut-out picture from a magazine of Patches O’Hulihan next to Govener at the time Arnold Schwartzenegger, and a picture of a kitten in a tree with the words on the bottom saying “Hang in there” ….
It was time to get to the interview, “Patches, look it turns out I don’t have a lot of time… and um… have you been crying?” “We’re doomed, we’ve given everything to Herbert, and he’s started his own Burning man festival in laurel canyon. I had to sell everything to keep this roster afloat – I only have 3 million dollars and we have 19 open roster spots, we’re doomed.”
It seems like sacrifices had been made to get under the cap this year for the chargers, all eyes on draft day.